OBLIVION

I stared into space, lost in my thoughts

I felt like a drowning ship

That was filled with nothing

Going down like it was the end. Cause truly, it was.

I suffered in pain for so long that I got used to it

Accepting it with an embrace

Cause pain demands to be felt.

It consumes you and makes you forget the feeling of being normal.

I’m thrown into a dark pit,

Trying to feel my way around

Wishing I were normal and didn’t have to go through this phase of nothingness.

But I wasn’t.

Walking through life like it was ok.

But it wasn’t.

I was fading,

Losing my hairs

Losing my fight

Losing my strength.

Walking in and out of Chemo in a daze

Getting lost in the mist of oblivion.

I shriveled, I distanced myself

Cause those around didn’t deserve this.

I punished them by living everyday

I punished myself by caring and loving everyday

And so I pushed them away

Cause when I leave,

They should keep living.

And so I wait.

Cause what I await, is inevitable.

I wait,

Cause I came at first to go through pain.

I wait

Cause I was ever just another fertilization gone wrong.

I’m just broken, waiting to be shredded

And thrown away into the abyss.

- Duruoha Ugochi Grace